Mmkay, so here is where I put everything else that seems less of me than you think. As in me, I mean jolly, aloof, random, clueless, etc. Another side of what goes on in my head, I guess you can say.
Startinggggg... now [1/27/10]. Older blogs would be here, but I'm too lazy to find them. Right, mhmm bye!
I won't let anyone, anything throw me off.
Just wing it. Just rock it.
Prompt #1
I’ve grown accustomed to a dual life where every day is a routine developed over the course of years since I could speak. Soon after my younger brother was born, my parents divorced. I was thrown into foster care. I only had my brother. I was not some child that was granted fairytales or warm milk before bedtime. I couldn’t believe my parents practically disowned me. Thus, I strived to become that child that every parent wants—talented, polite, intelligent—all in a useless attempt to make us a family again. I think that’s what my problem was; I just want to save everyone. But, as I was blinded by the idea of perfection, I hadn’t realized that I have the choice to be who I want to be. The possibilities are limitless.
In my childhood, I was expected to be the perfect golden child. And then this little reputation grew and grew. I could not allow this image to be tarnished. I had to aim higher and hone whatever it was that was being presented. I had never looked in a mirror; I was too busy trying to be perfect. I wanted to be perfect for myself and for my loved ones. I wanted to be perfect in front of an audience, the public, the passerby. Listen to my voice. Listen to the music that rushes out of the veins in my fingers. Watch me act. Watch me sing. Watch me dance on the ice. I wanted to be everything for us to be a family again, even though I was in denial that we can’t be what we used to be.
Sure, the options stated above may lead to grand success, but if I’m reluctant then my life may be full of regrets and angst. I can’t always be someone’s lifeless puppet living my life at the command of someone else and his or her preferences where the only safe haven is to play along. How is a world suppressed by tyrannous adults supposed to expect the generations after them to carry out and surpass what they and their ancestors have built when all they do is censor and deprive us of information, freedom? I don’t want to be a victim of the rules I live by—the rules given to me, or rather, almost forced upon me. I’m pretty sure that several others will agree with me when I insinuate that as the younger generation, we will be taking over, but we cannot do that if our elders do not put their trust in us; they should know they cannot live forever.
All that is exposed is all that is only wanted to be seen or taken in so that we become what they want. Societal restraints hinder us from expressing our passions for who we want to be, what we want to be, and who we want to be with doing what we want to do. So what do we do? There are two things that people always do; they either back down and stay put where they are put or they put themselves where they see fit and make every effort to triumph. I learned to understand that to be happy in our family didn’t essentially need an officially documented togetherness, but a unity of love and compassion. I want to live my dreams because they are my dreams. I want something genuinely good to live for so that I may live a beautiful life. Therefore, I need to let go of what is wrong, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what’s coming next. I’m still determined to do what I have been told to do, not only because I am a good daughter, but because I actually want to go out and do it, in my own way—with style. It’s not just for my family, it’s for me too. Living now, knowing who I want to be and what I want to do, I learned to not spoil what I have by desiring what I have not, but to remember that what I now have was once among the things only hoped for—a beautiful life.
